I am overcome, sucked under. I struggle, I kick and I fight but the fear rushes over me like the pounding ocean surf. The questions circle around and pounce again and again. “What will you do, who will hire you, where will you live, what will you drive, who will be there to know your heart…” Over and over … I feel like I can’t catch my breath. Save me … Please. . .
I share my fears with some of my closest friends. I sit with tears running down my face as I tell of the trap I am caught in. Relief comes with just speaking the words. Now some one else knows. These precious friends sit with me and remind me of where Dad has brought me from, how he has led me, the promises that he has already fulfilled. And then they pray.
Oh I am so like the Israelites standing on the side of the red sea. They saw God’s hand and how He worked to free them from the Egyptians. They saw how their sons were saved form the angel of Death. Faced with an army at their back they worried about what would happen to them. They so easily forgot that “I Am” was for them. I am so like the Israelites some days. I have seen God’s faithfulness. Over and over he has spoken and made clear the path I was to walk. How does it happen that I, like the Israelites, become overwhelmed and afraid and begin to doubt His plan.
Oh Father, as I stand on the edge of “my red sea”, help me to remember your faithfulness. You are the same God who brought me over here and held me when I cried from the longing to go home. You are the same God who gives patients in abundance when I don’t know how to reach a student. And you will be the one who walks with me on the journey back. May I keep my eyes on you; protect my heart from the doubts that rain down. Help me to see you and remember that you are good. Grow me thought this time to be more like you. I want to sit at you table and enjoy your presence. As I begin the journey back to what was once familiar but is no longer, remind me that I am your daughter and that you rejoice over me with singing. Let me not forget that you will be with me every step of this voyage back. I long to watch you move. May my eyes be opened to see You.
